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It’s been a few weeks, months, or even years since your break-up, but suddenly, your ex-boyfriend has contacted you. Just to say hi, he says. He wants to know how you’re doing. Maybe you’d like to meet him for coffee?

You immediately wonder what he wants. Is he fishing to see if you are still available? Has he finally realized he made a mistake when he let you go? Does he want to get back together? Here’s how to tell if he’s interested in rekindling your relationship.

• Your mutual friends tell you about him. While you may not hear from him directly, your mutual friends make it a point to let you know how he’s doing – even if you don’t ask. They tell you he misses you and fish for signs you’d be interested in reconciling.
• He contacts you repeatedly. Whether it’s sending a casual email, a text message, a phone call or just writing on your Facebook wall, you hear from your ex regularly. Sometimes, it’s just to ask how you are. Sometimes, it’s a joke or to share a memory. Sometimes, he’s even a bit flirtatious. If he’s making an effort to stay in your life, that’s a key sign he’s still interested.
• He prolongs conversation. If your ex is deliberately looking for opportunities to start conversations with you, he’s probably interested – especially if he keeps the conversation focused around your interests. If your ex avoids eye contact or looks bored during conversation, he’s probably not interested.
• His body language says so. How your ex-boyfriend acts around you will tell you a lot about how he’s feeling. Look at his posture – is it open? Does he make prolonged eye contact? Does he orient his body toward you? Is he leaning forward? Does he mirror you, such as when you take a drink, he does so as well? Those are signs he’s interested and wants you back. If your ex keeps looking around the room or refuses to make eye contact with you, or if he crosses his arms or legs, or leans away from you, his mind is elsewhere.
• He makes a sincere effort to improve. If he suspects he did something to hurt, disappoint, or upset you, he’ll take measures to fix whatever he did. He might also try to make himself more attractive to you, such as getting a better job, improving his physical appearance, or working through any emotional issues he had.

Even if it seems your ex-boyfriend wants you back, don’t give in too quickly. Most women don’t take the time to ask themselves what it is that they want. Do you really want to get back together with your ex? If you are sure he’s the love of your life, let him pursue you for awhile. Make sure he’s initiating any contact and making the effort to see you, so you know he’s serious about winning you back.